RECENT LISTS

January 26, 2026

suspected and confirmed afflictions

mild scoliosis, eye twitching, intermittent chills and probably poor circulation, current (probably not chronic) fatigue, overthinking, intermittent (through improved) anxiety and depression, losing two pounds living in subzero temperature weather, sp*tting, shedding hair (every day my bathroom floor is a new mess. they say it's normal to shed 50-100 hairs a day but i swear everyone else's floors don't look as stringy as mine.

art projects i want to try

browser performances, a scrollable story like 17776 with two radio stations attached to meteors that circle each other like ships in the night -- but what happens when they make contact?, war of the romantics as a film with clara schumann haunting a pianist like a ghost -- new short film idea, here we go?, a documentary about Chinese American tutoring centers in the SGV, start a portfolio for my immersive narrative design, so much to experiment with if i can just get the second rewrite of my pilot DONE

i'm worried about

fulbright semifinalist results might knock me down a peg if they reject my *utterly fascinating* research project about Hungarian musical nationalism and the Hungarian national radio. i feel fine but i'm a hypochondriac/cancer (god forbid). job search, a little bit.

i'm no longer afraid of (ok, maybe i'm still afraid but less so...)

being alone forever. not finding a job immediately. getting rejected from whatever i'm applying for. seeing an ex with someone else / ignorance truly is bliss. myself.

i'd like to apply for...

screenwriting programs? idk yet. pd soros fellowship but that's a very very long shot and i'm not a good enough artist yet. i mean not to be mean to myself but it's so hard. nbcu page program (also a long shot, also really hard). awc fellowship (less of a long shot, my prof recommend i apply so that's something i look forward to doing if i don't get a fulbright)

if i don't get the fulbright (this is me preemptively coping)

i will not stay at this fellowship for another year so i'll go back to LA. i'll start volunteering for vidiots and start dating again and hopefully get free movie tickets at the indie cinema. i'll start a film project and make both a doc and a narrative short by getting funding through clay workshops. i'll teach at more venues (eyeing heavy manners library). i'll apply for the page program and awc and meet up with a filmmaker i interviewed for a show, and try to worm my way into a narrative design role or an arts admin role to support classical music. and i'll keep learning hungarian and apply to the fulbright again next year.