Blog Post

I have one month left of school

April 17, 2025

& it feels like the end but not quite the end because today is any other Thursday and today is just any other day. it is not special until the day it ends but it is blustery and the remnants of winter obstinately linger in the form of unexpected chills and frozen extremities. i have poor circulation in the same way my speech has poor fluidity when my mind is loaded with contents that induce an almost cruel processing lag, the type that doesn't emerge until the most crucial of points, when i am fishing for the right word(s) and while i know i possess the knowledge of it, can't seem to express it for the life of me. it's like that one afternoon i spent in Budapest with a 24-hour transit pass that got lodged in my passport that it took three minutes for me to take it out and show it to the bus driver, even after the bus has taken off.

tonight will be my last orchestra rehearsal of my college years. as much as this feels monumental, Mozart's Requiem is utterly exhausting to play. also, i get my senior rose and will be acknowledged during the concert. like retirement. like a soldier. i have no idea. i'll miss my orchestra so inexplicably much.

but the good news is that despite all the rejection emails, i at least have two pending interviews, and one of them (tomorrow) is a well-paying job at a nonprofit that i actually really want to get involved with in San Francisco. i hope my enthusiasm, for real, this time, comes across.

there are still many things i have to do: