nothing good has ever happened to me whenever i try to mold myself into something more likeable, desirable, acceptable, etc. so as a curiously direct way of reminding myself that i better stay in my own lane, here are a list of times when i have tried too hard to be someone i'm not and fell, hard. my ego probably got hurt too many times!
- when i thought i'd only be likeable if i was a filmmaker who made big epic films. but i actually hate big epic films and really don't like constantly making films.
- when i changed my film idea for the class during study abroad because all the professors were needlessly critical and all the twists and turns made me so confusingly incoherent. i didn't like my idea that much anyway.
- in all those stupid interviews for jobs i never wanted,
- applying for roles i never wanted to do,
- saying that i'm passionate about a cause i really am not passionate about
- in a relationship where i compromised my own wishes to try to win him over, but he was always going to leave anyway, and/or maybe he liked the version of me who was myself. so all that changing for just more heartache for me
- in friendships with people i didn't really like as people
- changing my metrics of success just because the internet/reddit/social media says so
- regretting my choice of college because people on reddit talk shit about it
- outsourcing my values, of any kind
updated: April 25 2026